Insomnia

Insomnia is proof that God does exist, and that he despises you with a passion only known to fresh lovers, and the kind of psychopath who would torture a man to find out whether or not he actually believes in you (see Job; chapters 1 through 42). There's absolutely nothing worse than laying awake all night, knowing that you have to wake up before the sun does, but no matter how hard you try, you can't force yourself to sleep. Every nerve is on fire, and your thoughts linger among fields of self- doubt, self-hatred, and deep-seated childhood fears that never quite leave you alone. You lay down in your bed, close your eyes, and prepare for that momentary oblivion that you look forward to all day long when, to your utter dismay, you find that your mind is suddenly full of all the thoughts and memories that you would rather just let die.

So you turn on the t.v., pour yourself a drink, and prepare yourself for another long, lonely night of hell's most perfect torture. After all, who needs eternal damnation, when you've got insomnia?